Ah, Sunday Funday. That sacred day where you expect to kick back, dominate your fantasy football league, and bask in the glory of points racking up like it’s Black Friday at Best Buy. Except… it’s Week 8, and reality has hit harder than your Aunt Carol’s holiday fruitcake.

Your fantasy team sucks. And not in a “just had a bad week” kind of way. No, we’re talking about the kind of suckage that makes you want to go back in time and pick literally anyone else. Tom Brady, even retired, looks like a better option right now.

But fear not! Just because your fantasy team is circling the drain doesn’t mean your Sunday has to. Here’s your new guide to surviving (and thriving) on Sunday Funday when your fantasy football dreams have been crushed into oblivion.

1. Embrace Denial…But With Snacks

First things first: put down the phone. If you check your lineup one more time, you might throw it across the room. Instead, dive into a mountain of snacks so big, it would make even your team’s defensive line jealous. Wings, nachos, pizza—eat your feelings. Trust me, by the time you’re knee-deep in cheese dip, you’ll forget that you benched a guy who scored 40 points for someone who didn’t even see the field.

2. Switch to Reality Football

Okay, let’s be honest: at least some teams know what they’re doing. Switch your focus to an actual football game and pretend that real-life outcomes matter more than your fantasy ones. Bonus points if you can pick an underdog team to root for—they’ll still have a better chance at winning than your sad, sad fantasy squad.

If you’re a Browns fan like me, you’re probably already accustomed to rooting for lost causes, so this should feel like home.

3. Redecorate Your Life (and Your Lineup)

Got an IKEA near you? It’s time for some therapeutic Sunday shopping. Hit up the store, grab a cart, and start imagining your new space. After all, your living room deserves an upgrade if you’re going to sit there sulking over your terrible draft decisions. Bonus points if you grab something pre-owned—why spend full price when your fantasy decisions are already costing you emotionally?

Once home, assemble that furniture like it’s a stress-relief puzzle. You’ll feel a sense of accomplishment, unlike that time you thought drafting a kicker in the 6th round was a good idea.

4. Change Sports

You know who never let you down? Simone Biles. Switch over to gymnastics—at least there, you can bet on someone who consistently sticks the landing. Or if you’re feeling extra adventurous, maybe dive into hockey. Nothing screams “escape the disaster of fantasy football” like trying to figure out what a hat trick is.

5. Stage a Virtual Press Conference

Here’s where you can have some real fun. Fire up your social media and stage a fake press conference to address the failures of your fantasy team. Wear your best suit (or just grab a robe, who cares), set up a fake podium (a cardboard box will do), and talk to your imaginary fans about the tough decisions you had to make this season. End with, “We’ll get ‘em next year, folks!” and then dramatically walk offscreen. Bonus points for throwing in a tearful apology or two.

6. Bet Against Yourself

Since your fantasy football team is already a lost cause, why not profit from their inevitable failure? Call up a buddy and make a bet that your team will underperform even the lowest expectations. It’s a win-win. Either your team pulls off a miracle, or you walk away with lunch money for next week. This is the only time betting on your own misery is encouraged.

7. Catch Up on Real Life

Remember that person you live with? Your spouse? Kids? The ones who’ve been giving you side-eye all season while you obsess over waiver wires? Well, good news! Now that you’re officially out of the fantasy race, you can reintroduce yourself. “Hi, I’m [insert your name here], and yes, I’ll be available for family activities again.” Who knows? You might even enjoy this thing called “quality time.”

8. Hit the Gym (Or Pretend To)

Channel all that pent-up frustration into something productive. Sure, your fantasy team might be floundering, but your biceps don’t have to! Hit the gym and show those weights who’s boss. (Spoiler: it’s you, not your QB who’s been throwing interceptions like they’re going out of style.) Or, if the gym isn’t your thing, take a walk. At least you’ll be better off than your fantasy ranking.

9. Become a Monday Guy

Look, Sundays are rough, but you still have Monday Night Football. Start telling yourself that Mondays are where the magic happens. Sure, your fantasy points are already in the dumpster, but maybe your bench player will finally show up. Live in that fantasy until the crushing realization hits you…again.

10. Plan for Next Year (And Act Like It Will Be Different)

Start convincing yourself that next year is your year. Begin mock drafting months in advance. Watch every game, listen to every podcast, and tell anyone who will listen that you’re going to “crush it” next season. Your friends will roll their eyes, but hey, at least you’re building hype. Just… maybe don’t let them know you thought Antonio Brown was still a good pick in 2024.

Conclusion

When your fantasy football team has abandoned you, there’s still plenty to do on a Sunday Funday. Whether it’s inhaling junk food, pretending you care about other sports, or making your family remember you exist, you can still salvage the day. Just remember: next year is always another chance to draft someone else who’ll disappoint you all over again!